…I was married once before. My marriage to Miguel is my second marriage. It’s lasted 9 years now. Nine wonderful years.
But for those who weren’t aware, back in 2000, I left east texas and married a guy I had met online (though we did have a mutual friend in real life). I moved to the metroplex from the only place I’d ever known, to be married and start a life with this guy. For 6 months, he wined and dined me (okay, maybe not wined since I didn’t drink ;)) and we took weekend trips and vacations as we desired. I guess we were what you’d think of as happy. Six months after our marriage began, he decided he didn’t want to be married anymore. So I moved out into my own apartment. I knew NO ONE besides him and those I worked with. My friends at my job helped me through so much during this time. But I was not going to give up and move back to east Texas – I had it in me to not let this/him control my life. So without family, friends, and now without a husband, I branched out and found who and where I was supposed to be. I started going to church, attending a singles group where I made some really good friends who helped me through those dark times. I invited friends from out of town to spend weekends with me in my new place, and I even got a dog to keep me company… my Harley dog (who sadly died last April). Life ended up being pretty good. I spent time writing a lot. I read lots of books. I stayed online until the wee hours of the morning chatting with new friends and old, and just keeping myself going. I learned how to be on my own for once and not have to depend on anyone but myself. Thinking back on that time, I can’t believe I lived by myself for 6 months. I can’t believe I wasn’t scared of every stranger walking past my door or going to the store at night after work and coming home when it was dark. I was so strong and I never knew, at the time, that I’d be able to make it.
Six months after I’d moved out on my own, my husband decided he wanted to try being married again. Being the person I am, I believed in the promise I made to God and knew I had to try and fight for my marriage again. We dated and then ended up moving back in together. Life seemed okay being with him again. But I wasn’t able to trust him. I discovered things I’d never known before about him. I found hidden files on his/our computer that told me a lot of his past (some of which occurred during our dating relationship and marriage). I found out a lot of things that I wish I would have found sooner. I doubted him in everything at this point. I was no longer able to trust him and I became a very bitter wife who questioned his every move. For this, we began to crumble again. No, it wasn’t my fault, but because of the things he’d done and I’d found, I wasn’t able to be happy. Stories and messages came from people he worked with, that he would always try to make “right”, but they just didn’t add up correctly and you just don’t have lunch with your female friend several times and not let your wife know about it. And when women call to talk about personal issues and your wife has no idea who these women are, there will be problems. I guess he thought I was the one who caused our marriage to fail. I was called “crazy” and that I needed to be on medication, that I had problems. I was emotionally abused (though he’d still call me crazy for saying that) and as much as I wanted my marriage to work, I also wanted to run away and find something that was safe, secure, and that I could trust. Six months after living together again, he said he was done. At that point, so was I. I moved out and didn’t look back. Unfortunately, he did (another blog entry all-together lol).
After moving, I met Miguel online. We chatted online a lot, sharing scripture and giving each other support in different ways. He became a really good friend and someone I knew believed in me, supported me, and someone I could trust, which I was desperately needing at that time. Eventually, while out having a dessert at Red Lobster, Miguel came and met me in person there. From there, the story of us is history – and will be told at a different point in time.
My soon-to-be ex didn’t like the fact that I was getting to know someone else, and while the divorce was in the works, Miguel and I would meet on his lunch break and once, my ex followed me there. He caused a small scene and I was very embarrassed. After this, I discovered that he was calling and messaging all of my friends and family, trying to get them to persuade me to come back to him. He cried, begged, and even talked to Miguel at one point, trying to win me back.
There comes a time in life when you have been hurt beyond measure and you have to realize that God did not intend for your life to be this way, that He ultimately wants more for His children. In my heart, I knew divorce was wrong, but I also knew that allowing myself to be cheated on, lied to, betrayed, and emotionally abused was also wrong and that He was gracious in loving me regardless of the fact that I chose to divorce my then-husband.
I’ve never been happier since meeting Miguel 10 years ago. Yes, we have our problems, as all couples do. We are not perfect and we argue just like most normal people in relationships do. We don’t always agree on things, we may go to bed not talking to each other sometimes, but we love each other behind it all. There is a trust that’s there that doesn’t have to be talked about or questioned. I know deep down that no matter how mad I get at him for something he doesn’t deserve for me to be mad at (more than likely), that I will stay married to him for the rest of my life and that I want to be with him and only him forever.
I think back to that first time I moved out into my own apartment after my then-husband told me he wanted out. I think how nervous I was and how I didn’t know if I’d make it up here in the big city all by myself. But today, 11 years later, I have learned that if I wouldn’t have stepped out and leaned on God and trusted that He had something bigger planned for my life, that I may not be where I am today. (I do believe, though, that God has a funny way of making things happen no matter what path we tend to take first). I am glad for that man who married me, kicked me out, then tossed me around for another year until finally signing those papers ending it all. I’m thankful that I went through that time…. God carried me to that, and He also carried me through it. And then He introduced me to Miguel. And I had my two kids, along with a stepson who I never knew I’d love the way I do and a new one on the way. I am greatly blessed to put it lightly.
And HERE is where I belong.